Comedy Sojourn

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2010-11-02T03:01:00.001-07:00

There's a menu option on Facebook that let's me "Edit Friends". If only it were true... via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-11-01T08:53:00.001-07:00

If you're waiting for an order of toner cartridges for the office, it may be awhile... via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-11-01T03:01:00.003-07:00

Women are proud of resisting the temptation to overeat. Men high-five when one of them eats a whole can of Pringles by himself. via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-11-01T03:01:00.001-07:00

By the time Trick-Or-Treat happens, I've already eaten all the Baby Ruth out of the bowl by the front door. Sorry kids. via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-10-31T15:01:00.001-07:00

It's Halloween and thousands of dead people crawl from their graves in order to cast a vote in Chicago. via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-10-31T03:01:00.001-07:00

Take time to smell the roses. (Except you hay-fever sufferers. You better just keep slaving away...) via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-10-30T03:01:00.001-07:00

Night. Knight. Ksilent lettersk makke Kenglish a diffikcult klanguage to kreadk. via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-10-29T03:01:00.001-07:00

Is there an iPhone app that will calculate how much wood a woodchuck chucks? via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-10-28T03:01:00.001-07:00

A guy told me, "John, don't re-invent the wheel." Why not? I've already got a fairly good idea where to start... via Ping.fm Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

No Wonder

2010-10-27T04:09:00.001-07:00

If the Dentist renamed his office to "Disneyland" it would be much easier to get my kids in the car for appointments. Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

Cool Science

2010-04-06T17:33:00.001-07:00

Tabby & Andrew learning the important scientific principles of "mojo". Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

Ducks Run Amok

2010-04-05T07:33:00.001-07:00

These ducks showed up near my yard. I tried to get a closer picture but they kept running away. You don't know humiliation until you've been out-run by a DUCK! -- Not sent from my Blackberry -- I don't have one... Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

Spring Sprung

2010-03-30T12:30:00.001-07:00

Under the couch I found a jelly bean, a piece of plastic grass and what I assume has to be the Easter dust-Bunny. Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

This kind of stuff impresses me...probably too much.

2010-03-15T11:55:00.001-07:00

This is a much better use of hands than say, piano playing. Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

Opportunity Knocks

2010-03-13T08:28:00.001-08:00

Posted via email from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

New Vacuum

2010-03-12T20:22:00.001-08:00

for those who were dying to know how my newest purchase looks...here it is from a sort of Stanley Kubrick camera angle...and for the record, it sucks! via Ping.fm Posted via web from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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2010-03-11T11:45:00.001-08:00

Proof that you can still get strawberry shortcake at Steak N Shake...even though they claim it's impossible. via Ping.fm Posted via web from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

Shoot Willy

2010-02-25T14:05:00.001-08:00

ORLANDO, Fla. — Trainers will continue working with a killer whale that grabbed one of their colleagues and dragged her underwater, killing her, but SeaWorld said Thursday it is reviewing its procedures after the attack.Reviewing the procedures!!? That sounds like a great idea. Here's the current procedure at SeaWorld:1. Whale approaches platform for petting.2. Trainer pets whale.3. Whale kills

What The World Needs Now

2010-02-15T16:32:00.001-08:00

"Amour," the French word for love, has been voted the most romantic word in the world in a pre-Valentine's Day survey of language experts.What an unbelievable coincidence! 'French Citizen' has been voted the two most recognized words for 'rude'. The least romantic way to say "I love you" is Japanese: (watakushi-wa anata-wo ai shimasu). Not only is this unromantic sounding, it won't fit on

The Superbowl Is Over

2010-02-08T08:08:00.001-08:00

It's time again for my annual mention of the 'Biggest Day in Sports' or 'The Most Important Event in The World' or 'The Reason for Humanity To Exist in The Universe' -- the Super Bowl. While the a fore mention descriptions may be appropriate for hundreds of millions of fans, I can't help but think of the Super Bowl as 'A bunch of millionaires banging into each other in order to sell shoes, cars

Robo-Hog

2010-02-07T13:57:00.001-08:00

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. (AP) — An animal rights group wants organizers of Pennsylvania's Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in.I've got a better idea, let's replace the groundhog with animal rights activists. Put the PETA people in a hole in the ground all year long. Then, every February 2nd, they can come out and try to find their shadows (or identify their

I'll Keep This Promise

2010-02-05T10:00:00.001-08:00

Pulled the band together for another session. Here's what we came up with. The song isn't being sung to any specific individual. I'd encourage everyone elected to public office to consider the possibility that the song is about YOU. See and download the full gallery on posterous Download now or listen on posterous VOTEDOUT.mp3 (3565 KB)

Ban Lanterns - Save Cows

2010-02-05T09:05:00.001-08:00

Peers are calling on the Government to ban Chinese paper lanterns, because of a risk to cows, sheep and other livestock. It seems to me like if anyone is concerned about the safety of livestock, we should ban barbecue before lanterns. The story goes that these lanterns break away, drift in the wind and land in pastures where one cow ate the wire and ruptured her stomach.

I'd Rather Eat The Football

2010-02-02T19:01:00.001-08:00

I found a website that is chock full of suggestions for healthy snacks to be eaten during the Superbowl. One suggestion: make your own hummus with chick peas, tahini, olive oil and lemon juice. Another suggestion: zucchini boats. I hope the local newspaper publishes the names of anyone planning on serving zucchini boats at their Super Bowl party because these are the houses from which citywide

This Nonsense Has To Stop

2010-02-01T19:35:00.001-08:00

"GroundFrog" Day coming to Wash. State The event, which falls three days before Groundhog Day, finds Slew offering a weather prediction, or "frognostication," as organizers say.I'm uncomfortable with this. I don't trust the frog. The groundhog has been predicting weather for decades. I don't know for sure, but I think he has meteorological training. Can a frog even see his shadow? Does a frog

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2010-01-27T14:29:00.001-08:00

Grandma k's birthday cake - that amount of frosting is illegal in Indiana so we cant tell you where the party isThis message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture. />Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is

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2010-01-27T12:20:00.001-08:00

Got a new video posted on YouTubehttp://ping.fm/8XjbH via Ping.fm Posted via web from John's Branyan's Comedy

2010-01-27T09:53:00.001-08:00

Here is an actual email that I received recently. -----------------------------I'm lady. I have a red hair with copper shimmering. My eyes is black. I am high. I have beautiful butt. My hair is short curly. I live in a big city. I work in heavy industry. I like to watch thrillers. Representations in the performance pop stars on stage. I like music . I like sea. If you talk about me I am

And They Didn't Slide Down The Pole

2010-01-27T09:01:00.001-08:00

WEST SUMMERLAND KEY, Fla. — Two 17-year-olds fled from a juvenile diversion program at a Florida Keys campground in a stolen firetruck. The truck belonged to the chief of the Big Pine Key Fire Department.So, did the chief leave the keys in the truck while he ran in to Wal-Mart? It would never occur to me, if I were running away from a juvenile institute to make

Tweeting Isn't Only For Birds

2010-01-26T05:59:00.001-08:00

In its first-ever toy created for the canine community, Mattel is introducing a product called "Puppy Tweets" that meshes the hugely popular Twitter with consumers' love of pets.What kind of updates will a dog have? "Sniffing a tree. Sniffing a mailbox. Sniffing an unidentified glob of something." In my house, we don't want the dog on the couch, this device will force us to let him on the

Impressionist Hole

2010-01-25T18:26:00.001-08:00

Museum Visitor Rips 6-Inch Hole In Picasso Artwork Will Undergo Repairs For 6-Inch Tear After AccidentA notable painting by Picasso will undergo repairs after a visitor to the Metropolitan Museum of Art accidentally lost her balance and struck it.It's a Picasso...does it really make any difference that it's ripped? This is the guy who painted people with ears on their foreheads and whatnot.

You Better Sit Down For This...

2010-01-21T05:19:00.001-08:00

LONDON — Here's a new warning from health experts: Sitting is deadly. Scientists are increasingly warning that sitting for prolonged periods — even if you also exercise regularly — could be bad for your health.So unless you're standing on your head looking at your Blackberry right now, stop reading! This is earth shattering! Who knew that couch potatoes were unhealthy? All these years they

First Butt for The Strip Club

2010-01-20T16:09:00.001-08:00

A 150-pound goat smashed two large glass doors at Lynx Gentlemen's Club over the weekend, causing about $2,000 in damage, the owner said Monday. (See It Here)This is probably better behavior than will be exhibited by the club's human patrons. While California is home to 'happy cows', evidently the goats are somewhat disgruntled. Of all the places the goat could have broken into, why a strip club?

Repossessed Toddler

2010-01-16T17:13:00.001-08:00

SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) — Police in California say a car dealer who repossessed a San Jose woman's Honda Accord left with something a bit more valuable: her 2-year-old son. The child, Cyrus Lopez, was sleeping in the back of the car on Tuesday night when it was taken away.This is genius! So many people have a hard time finding a Day Care. Just skip a few car payments, leave your kid asleep in the

Who Cares How Smart Dogs Are?

2009-08-16T11:13:00.001-07:00

A researcher has published that dogs can learn about 165 words, including signals; they can count up to four or five and have a basic understanding of arithmetic. Also, he says, dogs can intentionally deceive other dogs and people to get treats they want.sociation that the newest research strategy for understanding dogs is to use tests meant for very young children....and yet they still drink out

Hold The Mayo

2009-08-08T15:55:00.001-07:00

MOUNT HOREB, Wis. — For the final time, people will gather here Saturday on two closed-off blocks of Main Street to celebrate National Mustard Day. There will be free hotdogs with mustard — there's a $10 surcharge for those who dare to request ketchup — mustard painting and music by the Poupon U Accordion Band.The Mustard Museum would be a fun trip especially if you've already taken in the '

GI Joe Will Never Do This

2009-08-08T08:45:00.001-07:00

A Spanish toymaker known as Berjuan has developed a breast-feeding doll that comes with a special halter top its young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies."What's the big deal? There are baby dolls that suck bottles. Wouldn't it be fairly simple to hold these babies up to your chest and pretend? The doll won't know the difference.The baby is called, "Bebe Gloton" which

Help Me Think

2009-07-31T13:59:00.001-07:00

My wife was trying to remember the name of the neighbor's cat. After several wrong guesses, she employed the help of our ten-year old son. "Help me think!", my wife said.It's a huge challenge for me get my own thinking done. I have no idea how to 'help' somebody else do it. I strained and scrunched up my face. "Is this helping?", I asked....it was not.So I started rubbing my temples and

Yes, Smoking Is Expensive

2009-07-25T08:11:00.001-07:00

A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski checked his account online a few hours after the purchase and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight

Badgers and Mushrooms

2009-07-02T20:17:00.001-07:00

This has been significant to my family over the years. We spontaneously burst out singing this from time to time. If you haven't experienced this yet, the link is below. Be warned, it will climb inside your head and never leave.http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/badgers

Can You Hear Me Now?

2009-05-01T17:58:00.001-07:00

SAO PAULO (AP) — Police say inmates are using carrier pigeons to smuggle cellphones onto a prison farm in southeastern Brazil. The birds apparently were bred and raised inside the prison, smuggled out, outfitted with the cellphone parts and then released to fly back.Obviously this avoids the expensive "data transfer charge" associated with other carriers. So is this what they mean when they use

Turtle Go Round

2009-04-30T20:00:00.001-07:00

Turtle rescuers have demonstrated the first fin suit designed to allow a green sea turtle that lost three of its flippers to finally swim a straight line. Before this, the turtle could only swim in tight circles with her one good flipper.Progress! I'm not sure how many one-flippered turtles populate the ocean as of this writing, but at last there is hope! This suit enables these hapless turtles

How Much Is That Neon Doggy In The Window

2009-04-28T12:59:00.001-07:00

Scientists have finally figured out how to make dogs glow in the dark. This is great news for anyone who's ever thought, "Sure, puppies are cute and cuddly, but they're practically useless as reading lamps."Breakthroughs in cloning and gene manipulation have enabled scientists to combine dog genes with another popular household pet - sea anemones! The next step is creating a sea anemone

I Feel Much Better Now

2009-04-20T05:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, when a person has a heart attack, that is to say the most important muscle in their body stops working and causes them to die, sometimes doctors will put electric paddles on the person's chest and shock them. And the heart starts beating again!Why does that work?That whole process seems very random and medieval. Except for the electricity part. That doesn't seem medieval. The medieval

The Lord of Lego

2009-04-12T18:58:00.001-07:00

A Swedish church unveiled a life-size statue of Jesus Christ during their Easter morning mass. The nearly 30,000 Lego bricks used to make the 5.8 foot statue were donated by parishioners.Hmmm. I appreciate the effort. A lot of work went into this sculpture. It's a terrific effort.But from the picture, doesn't it look more like Billy Ray Cyrus than Jesus?

I Think I Swallowed A Shark

2009-04-10T19:06:00.001-07:00

Fishermen in the Philippines accidentally caught and later ate amegamouth shark, one of the rarest fish in the world with only 40others recorded to have been encountered.I'm curious how you "accidentally" eat a shark. I mean, I've accidentally eaten bugs before. They fly into my mouth, I swallow them. I doubt that a shark can be eaten in the same way. Especially if that shark has "mega" anywhere

Would You Like Fries With That, Rembrandt?

2009-04-04T19:35:00.001-07:00

Here's a guy who paints with hamburger grease. Smears it right on a canvas. At first, I thought this was a strange thing to do with a burger. But truthfully, this is probably better for him than eating it. All that grease and cholesterol, sticking to the canvas is much healthier than having it stick to human arteries. I may try this painting technique. It has advantages in this troubled economy

Spear pulled from Brazilian's brain

2009-04-03T12:10:00.001-07:00

The headline only tells part of the story. The rest of the story is: Surgeons successfully removed a 6-inch fishing spear from the brain of a man who was struck while diving off the coast of Rio de Janeiro.According to the article, the man fired the spear which ricocheted off rocks and struck him in his head. Family said the spear was so deep, only the tip was showing. Doctors said, it missed

Davis-ism

2009-03-28T08:03:00.001-07:00

My buddy Ken Davis is taping another DVD this afternoon in Westfield. This is significant because Westfield is the same venue where I taped my DVD's. See how I influence the entire world of comedy? The other thing you should know is that Ken is ALWAYS taping DVD projects. He is prolific. There are more recorded hours of Ken Davis comedy than Seinfeld episodes. He has new material seeping out

How do you find an elf? - By Juliet Lapidos - Slate Magazine

2009-03-12T05:19:00.001-07:00

An article on Iceland's de facto bankruptcy in the April issue of Vanity Fair notes that a "large number of Icelanders" believe in elves or "hidden people." This widespread folklore occasionally disrupts business in the sparsely populated North Atlantic country. Before the aluminum company Alcoa could erect a smelting factory, "it had to defer to a government expert to scour the enclosed plant

Georgia inmate arrested trying to get back in jail - USATODAY.com

2009-03-10T04:50:00.001-07:00

Check out this website I found at usatoday.com Notice there are no charges for "Breaking Into Jail". This needs to be addressed. With the housing situation the way it is, there's going to be a flood of ex-homeowners busting into the "big house". We're gonna have to tighten security around our prisons to keep the riff-raff out. Posted via web from John's Branyan's Comedy

Play StarBaron on AlienProcess.com

2009-03-08T19:27:00.001-07:00

via alienprocess.com This is kind of interesting. Fast paced, capture the planet game. I pretty much stink playing it...but it's fun. Posted via web from John's Branyan's Comedy

The Peter Heck Show - on_the_air

2009-03-02T09:45:00.001-08:00

via peterheck.com Peter's finalizing a deal for syndication of his most excellent radio talk show. Visit the site and give him a listen. Posted via web from John's Branyan's Comedy

Tim Hawkins Comedy

2009-02-18T07:38:00.001-08:00

via timhawkins.net Here's a link to one of my favorite comedians on Earth. If you've not discovered Tim Hawkins yet, enjoy! You can thank me later. Posted via web from John's Branyan's Comedy

Stop Reading Blogs...Gustav is Coming!

2008-08-31T20:00:00.001-07:00

Because canceling the Republican National Convention in St. Paul will go a long way toward thwarting the devastation of a Hurricane in New Orleans, McCain has wisely opted to put the convention on hold so the country can focus on what's most important...watching people evacuate Louisiana.It goes without saying that the Republicans were directly responsible for Hurricane Katrina since George Bush

No Cartwheels, Please

2008-08-30T13:53:00.001-07:00

An Australian school has outlawed cartwheelsin order to protect the children from injury.Many people may not realize that cartwheels are the primary way thatchildren injure themselves. I don't know why it's taken us so long tofinally get at the root of childhood accidents and eliminate it.According to the principal of the school, cartwheels are a "level 2risk" which makes them even more dangerous

Feet and Fish Food

2008-08-29T06:15:00.001-07:00

You can get a fish pedicure for 30 bucks. Now you may ask, why would a fish even need a pedicure since they don't have any feet? And that's a fair question. The pedicure is not actually performed on the fish, but by the fish. Some spas are now offering to let you soak your feet in a tub full of "Doctor Fish", which are a type of carp. The tiny fish will chew the dead skin off your feet leaving

I Could Use A Shot Of Eel

2008-08-28T06:11:00.001-07:00

In the US, we drink 313 million gallons of energy drinks per year - without harming a single eel. This is important because the people in Japan also drink copious amounts of energy fluid, but their drinks require that eels lay down their very lives in the process. The drink is called "Unagi Nobori" or "Surging Eel" and it's thought to boost stamina in hot weather. One could make the case that it

Oldest Joke Traced To 1900 BC

2008-08-02T10:00:00.001-07:00

LONDON (Reuters) - The world's oldest recorded joke has been tracedback to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with theancients as it is today. It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraqand goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; ayoung woman did not fart in her husband's lap."What this proves beyond all argument is that the

My Animated Experiment

2008-05-27T20:43:00.001-07:00

I made a cartoon. It's all about the dangers of life in the west...the Midwest. My buddy, John thomas Oaks wrote a song that's 'all about me' and this is my take on his music. It was loads of fun making this thing and I think I'll make another one in the near future. Branyan Canyon

How Did We Survive Without It?

2008-03-06T13:17:00.001-08:00

Watched a guy doing a lecture a few days ago. He kept putting a red dot on the screen with a laser pointer as he talked. It occured to me that we live in wonderful times. Used to be that people had to just point at stuff with their fingers. Some of you remember those primitive times. Now, thanks to technology, we can put a red dot on exactly the spot we're wanting someone to look. And that's just

Lucky It's Over

2007-12-12T18:35:00.001-08:00

The Lucky 21 is officially over and I have officially, not won. I'm pretty happy that I can stop voting now. There are a lot of daily responsibilities that I've let slide and I'm anxious to get back to doing them. The first one is going potty. For those of you who weren't in Las Vegas for The Comedy Festival, here's the video. The audio is a little flaky...my apologies. Powered by

Elephant Packs Creativity in Trunk

2007-10-31T10:49:00.001-07:00

This elephant is painting a picture by holding a paintbrush in her trunk. She's created over 50 paintings at the West Midland Safari Park in Worcestershire. Her keeper says she paints in a unique style that would not look out of place in a contemporary art exhibition. I suppose that's good news for other zoo animals that are hoping to have their own art shows. It may be a little discouraging for

If elected, I promise to...

2007-09-27T10:23:00.001-07:00

The Ziddio Lucky 21 contest is underway here. You can vote for me if you like. I'm fighting to stay in third place right now. It's not about who's the funniest...it's about who has the most friends with limber mouse clicking fingers.Winning the contest will give me a chance to perform clean comedy in Las Vegas. Should that happen, keep an eye out for flying pigs. Technorati Tags: ziddio,

Stewing over World Records

2007-09-19T07:45:00.001-07:00

Venezuelan officials claimed a world record Saturday for the world's largest pot of soup. The hulking stainless steel cooking pot, set up outdoors in downtownCaracas, contained about 3,963 gallons of "sancocho" stew, FoodMinister Rafael Oropeza said. He said it was enough to feed 60,000 to 70,000 people.Venezuela now holds the record for the largest pot of soup ever created. It will feed 60,000

Talking Turkey

2007-09-10T21:10:00.001-07:00

Do you know that fleshy appendage that attaches just above the beak of a male (tom) turkey? You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Yeah. That flappy red thing on the turkey's beak...What's it called?According to Texas park and wildlife, it's called a snood.The snood is a fleshy appendage that attaches just above the beak. Whenthe tom relaxes, the snood is short — maybe half an inch long.

Bill Gaither gave me a bear

2007-09-04T18:13:00.001-07:00

Don't Worry. Be HappyRecently, on a cruise to Alaska with the gang from the Gaither Homecoming, I was given a stuffed bear that sings 'Don't Worry. Be Happy" when you squeeze his paw. This is the first time I've ever been given a singing bear by Bill Gaither. He gave me a book and a keychain that lights up too. He also gave me a can of macadamia nuts, but took them back. Overall, it was a fun

That's A Nice Thing To Say

2007-04-25T17:55:00.001-07:00

Thanks, Heather, for the mention in your blog. I'm glad I made you and Farmboy laugh. We homeschool our kids too...that's a whole post by itself.Powered by ScribeFire.

Hoosier Jubilee

2007-04-24T16:52:00.001-07:00

I'm writing some comedy for the weekly radio program, "Hoosier Jubilee". It's like "Cherry Jubilee" but with Indiana natives. Actually, that's not true. Cherry Jubilee is much better on ice cream than Hoosier Jubilee and Hoosier Jubilee doesn't need to be pitted. The program features The Wright Brothers Band and a gang of misfits that calls themselves the 'Lost River Revue'.

I Now Pronounce You

2007-04-04T18:12:00.001-07:00

Who wouldn't want this guy to marry them? He's not only a minister, but a captain who body surfs AND breeds exotic birds! Plus, he wears and orange skirt. I wonder if he'd have a thriving business in Indianapolis... clipped from www.hawaiiweddings.comAloha, I am Rev./Capt. Howie, a non-denominational minister and

Rise to the Challenge

2007-03-15T08:08:00.001-07:00

There's a commercial on the radio near my housethat's trying to get people to work at IBP.They're ALWAYS trying to get people to come to work at IBP.That makes sense when you know that IBP is a meat packing company.They don't mention that in the radio ads."Would you like slitting pigs throats?""If standing waist deep in entrails appeals to you...have we got a job 4U"So the commercial has

Squirrels Go Nuts

2007-03-14T18:58:00.001-07:00

This disturbing article appeared recently in USA Today and begs several questions. What's wrong with Georgia squirrels? And what in the world is PETA doing to put a stop to this? I suggest tearing down all electrical lines and resorting to candle power until we can implement training programs to keep squirrels from electrocuting themselves.