Team Battles Artctic winter to measure melting Ice.

Team battles Arctic winter to measure melting ice caps.

(CNN) -- It could be the ultimate test of human endurance: Three British explorers are risking their lives in subzero temperatures to measure the melting Arctic ice cap.

The headline says it all. It hits me like a punchline just as it is.  Battling sub-zero temperatures because of concern for melting ice? I would expect the headline to read "Team Battles Blistering Desert Heat to Measure Melting Ice Caps."  Maybe I'm just not very smart, but it seems like a blizzard is the last place you'd go to see ice melt.

Badgers and Mushrooms

This has been significant to my family over the years.  We spontaneously burst out singing this from time to time.  If you haven't experienced this yet, the link is below. Be warned, it will climb inside your head and never leave.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/badgers

Can You Hear Me Now?

SAO PAULO (AP) — Police say inmates are using carrier pigeons to smuggle cellphones onto a prison farm in southeastern Brazil. The birds apparently were bred and raised inside the prison, smuggled out, outfitted with the cellphone parts and then released to fly back.

Obviously this avoids the expensive "data transfer charge" associated with other carriers.

So is this what they mean when they use the term "jail bird"?

Seems to me that pigeons might be something that shouldn't be allowed as pets for prison inmates.  That would fix the problem pretty quick.  Let the prisoners raise salmon.  Then, when they returned home to spawn, the cell phone components would be all soggy and useless.

Turtle Go Round

Turtle rescuers have demonstrated the first fin suit designed to allow a green sea turtle that lost three of its flippers to finally swim a straight line.

Before this, the turtle could only swim in tight circles with her one good flipper.

Progress! I'm not sure how many one-flippered turtles populate the ocean as of this writing, but at last there is hope!  This suit enables these hapless turtles to stop going in circles and get back to the task they were intended to do...swim in a straight line.

Sure, critics might argue that there are better things to spend money on than a high-tech turtle wetsuit, but none of these critics will be one-flippered turtles! It's a safe bet that the critics will be mostly humans, some of whom probably unable to swim at all.

Research should continue and other suits should be developed.  Look at the picture, the swimsuit isn't very flattering.  The next prototype should be a two-piece.  Something with vertical stripes because those are slimming. Am I right?  The poor turtle only has one flipper!  Should she also have to endure that boxy, black suit?  It makes her look as if she has no hips!

How Much Is That Neon Doggy In The Window

Scientists have finally figured out how to make dogs glow in the dark.  This is great news for anyone who's ever thought, "Sure, puppies are cute and cuddly, but they're practically useless as reading lamps."

Breakthroughs in cloning and gene manipulation have enabled scientists to combine dog genes with another popular household pet - sea anemones!  The next step is creating a sea anemone that will fetch a frisbee.

I Feel Much Better Now

Sometimes, when a person has a heart attack, that is to say the most important muscle in their body stops working and causes them to die, sometimes doctors will put electric paddles on the person's chest and shock them. And the heart starts beating again!

Why does that work?

That whole process seems very random and medieval.  Except for the electricity part. That doesn't seem medieval. The medieval defibrillator would probably seem even more random. It'd be two candles, smashed into a person's chest.

"CLEAR"!  Sssssssst!
OW!  What was that for?
"I was trying to start your heart."
That really hurt!
My nipples are blistered!
"Sorry,  let me put a couple of leeches on those burns..."

 The defibrillator just seems like a desperate guess.  Almost Frankenstein-esque.
"The Paddles, Egor!"
Yes, master!
KER-CHUNK
"He's Alive!  AlIIIIIIIVE!!"

I would have never thought that electrocuting something would make it work better.  Would you?
How can we get the dog to stop peeing in the house?
Well, lets attack these cables to his tail,
...and plug the other end into the wall.
Billy is struggling with Algebra.  He just can't seem to get it.
Jumper cables, please!
Here, Billy, bite down on this pencil...

The Lord of Lego

A Swedish church unveiled a life-size statue of Jesus Christ during their Easter morning mass.

The nearly 30,000 Lego bricks used to make the 5.8 foot statue were donated by parishioners.

Hmmm. I appreciate the effort. A lot of work went into this sculpture. It's a terrific effort.

But from the picture, doesn't it look more like Billy Ray Cyrus than Jesus?