Tuesday, February 17, 2004

My mom gave me a great book for Christmas. It's loaded with little known facts about all sorts of subjects. Here's one of them:

If Jello is hooked up to an EEG machine, it registers movements that are virtually identical to the brain waves of human beings.

I'm not kidding.

This is disturbing for so many reasons. First, what professional people with access to EEG machines decided, "Let's see what happens when we plug-in the Jello!" Shouldn't they use the machine to cure Epilepsy? What else have they been doing with the EEG machine while nobody's watching? "Hey Norm, fire up the EEG and bring me your egg salad sandwich."

AND how can you trust the analysis of a machine that can't tell the difference between human brains and fruit flavored desserts? When the results from an EEG come back, the doctor could say, "You've got some abnormal brain activity on your scan, it could be a couple of things: tumor or raspberry gelatin."

AND most disturbing, what if the EEG is right and Jello is just as smart as we humans! What if Jello is SMARTER than humans?! What if the only thing keeping Jello from taking over the world is the fact that it lacks opposable thumbs and can't loose itself from that plastic mold. Better eat it quick before it has time to think!

Next time I encounter a bowl of Chocolate Mousse, I'm going to wonder what's going on in it's mind...

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