Thursday, February 01, 2007

Old Fashioned

At a breakfast bar, they had 'Old Fashioned Oatmeal'
That's what the sign said, 'Old Fashioned'
In contrast to what?
'New Fangled Oatmeal'
Oatmeal with all the bells and whistles...some doo-dads
Taking advantage of the latest oatmeal technology
This oatmeal has a USB port.

I suppose oatmeal is due for a makeover.
Yogurt was updated awhile back.
Now it comes in a tube!
A tube of you can eat it on the run!
In fact, it's called Go-Gurt.
Cause remember when yogurt just came in a little tub?
No way you could take that tub with you.
It was just too awkward.
All the great minds of our time were pre-occupied with the question
"How can we make yogurt more transportable?"
"The people are demanding it!"

'Old Fashioned' is often thought of as a good thing
As if Old Fashioned is better
Would you want Old Fashioned Cell Phone service?
(hands around mouth, scream) "Can you hear me now?"
Good Old Fashioned brain surgery
...where they pound a hole in your head with a sharp rock

I've heard people speak fondly of the 'Good Old Days'
When everything was simpler.
'Remember the good old days?
before indoor plumbing and electricity...
when infection teemed from the sewage in the streets...
when measels were usually fatal
and the overall life expectancy was thirty years...
the good old days.
When a six year old could work an honest 18 hours
at the textile mill for an honest twenty cents...
When a bottle of Coke was just a nickle
and was chock full of real cocaine...
When evening television was truly entertaining
and if the planets aligned correctly and the cloud cover wasn't too
you could almost make out Ed Sullivan's black and white.
the good old days.
When oatmeal was made from oats
and didn't come with any doo-dads.

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