Monday, June 18, 2012

The Easy Definition of Evil

Martin Luther, author of the text of Christ la...
I am not one to make outrageous accusations unless two important criterion are first met.  1) I have an accusation to make.  2) It is outrageous.

In order to fully appreciate the significance of this particular accusation, you must ignore any urges toward thoughtfulness. Nothing gets in the way of alarmist diatribes like rational thinking. Let me state outright that I am in no way qualified to make this accusation so energy spent attempting to discredit me is energy wasted. If daytime television has taught us anything it's that people are more impressed by hyperbole than thoroughly researched facts.

I have traced the source of all wickedness on Earth to its point of origin.

Lutherans.

This is an easy claim for me to make for several reasons.  First and foremost, I am not one of them. It would be terribly difficult to levy an accusation of this magnitude against a group of people if I belonged to that group.

Secondly, Lutherans are docile creatures.  You never hear about large numbers of Lutherans running amok, turning over cars and burning villages to the ground. (Remember, I haven't researched this article in any way.  If you have in fact heard of Lutherans rioting please send me a note and I'll change all the instances of the word 'Lutheran' in this article to 'Amish'.)

In the third place, the number of subscribers this blog boasts is so small that it's unlikely anybody will read this article.  Should some hapless soul, against all odds, stumble upon this incendiary accusation they probably won't be Lutheran either.

My hope is that this article will be an inspiration to anti-religion people.  I'm trying to save them some time. I'm trying to help them.  I'm trying to be a Christian neighbor.

Their claims have been, overall, that religion is the source of everything wrong in the world and that humankind would get along much better without God.  Volumes have been written about all the various evils inflicted on mankind by countless religious sects throughout history.  Why go to all that effort when you can just blame everything on the Lutherans?

English: Joseph Stalin after 1943 in military ...People aren't interested in the differences between religious views. Nobody cares what makes a Buddhist different from a Hindu or a Jew. Just roll every faith up into a big religious knot and dismiss it out of hand as evil.  Assume that nothing good has ever come from the practice of any religion.  It's easy!

Then, when everyone has shed their foolish religious superstitions, we'll be ready to move forward into the glorious truth of humanism.  Of course, Hitler and Stalin are examples of this kind of thinking.  But you don't have to blame them anymore because now you've got...THE LUTHERANS!

You're welcome.
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4 comments:

Deana O'Hara said...

John this made me laugh out loud. 1. Because I do attend a Lutheran Church and 2. Because I'm a rabble rouser Lutheran who likes to raise my hands in worship and (heaven help us) tell jokes - or at least try to. I might as well be setting cars on fire. ;-)

I've said to much. Back to my quilting and beer brewing. Carry on.

Mendy Patrick said...

Shall we gather our pitchforks? Mine really hasn't had much use lately...

Mendy Patrick said...

Ah, the delight of mobile internet. I'm not sure why that posted 6 times. I appologize.

John said...

Mendy, Pitchforks are more of a Baptist instrument. Lutherans should be less primitive. Maybe gather your Weed Eater?