Saturday, November 10, 2012
When I accuse someone of being a moron
...I'm still behaving with tolerance.
And when you tell me to stop calling them names
...you're being intolerant of my opinions.
There's a difference between tolerance and acquiescence.
...I will tolerate you not knowing what acquiesce means.
...I acquiesce that many of you won't bother to look it up.
I'm tolerant of your absurd "tolerance manifesto".
...I resist the urge to scrape the idiotic "Coexist" bumper sticker off your car
...I say nothing in response to "Mean People Suck"
...which, by the way, seems kind of mean and intolerant.
You advocates of universal tolerance need to understand
You're position is unlivable.
Even you don't really believe what you're saying.
Since you are untroubled by the use of fantasy scenarios
as arguments for real-life ideals I submit the following:
"You should tolerate werewolves."
They can't help who they are.
When they tear the living flesh from the bones of fellow humans
Who are you to judge them?
...they were born that way.
I can hear some of you protesting already.
"It's not right to eat other people's flesh!"
Obviously you're shackled to some outdated superstition.
Keep your religion to yourself.
Stop trying to force wolf-men to behave like you.
"But I don't want a werewolf to eat my children!"
So you want werewolves to starve?
How incredibly hateful and intolerant!
You're suggesting that you're better than werewolves
because you don't kill and eat people.
That's your opinion.
You're welcome to it but you must admit
...it's pretty arrogant.
I however, will tolerate your prejudice.
That's what I always do.
A few of you
(but not most of you, because you don't understand satire)
may be saying things like,
"John, werewolves aren't real."
That's your opinion.
Werewolves may or may not be real.
Zombies however, are definitely real.
...They were the majority vote in the 2012 election.
Drooling, brain-dead, knuckle-dragging morons
chose the leaders of the greatest country on Earth.
Let me show you how this illustrates tolerance perfectly.
The Oval Office only has one chair.
Mitt Romney and Barack Obama can't sit in it at the same time.
...we can agree on that, right?
...I suppose truly tolerant guys would make some lap-sitting arrangement
For the sake of argument, let's just say
...you can't be a brain dead, knuckle-dragging moron
...and a conservative at the same time.
We have to pick ONE ideology.
That ideology is represented in the President.
It's not the ideology I profess
But I will tolerate the election results.
Did you hear what I said?
I'm tolerating you zombies.
I will not, however, acquiesce to your philosophy.
You thick-headed, selfish, godless, child-killing dipsticks
are absolutely wrecking the country.
And if you object to all the "mean spirited name calling",
I pray you never encounter a werewolf.