Monday, February 08, 2010

The Superbowl Is Over

It's time again for my annual mention of the 'Biggest Day in Sports' or 'The Most Important Event in The World' or 'The Reason for Humanity To Exist in The Universe' -- the Super Bowl. While the a fore mention descriptions may be appropriate for hundreds of millions of fans, I can't help but think of the Super Bowl as 'A bunch of millionaires banging into each other in order to sell shoes, cars and beer'. Regardless of who wins, I can't get excited about the game for the following reasons:

1. I can't affect the outcome in any way. While some believe that screaming and painting your face different colors affects team morale, I am dubious. I saw a lot of blue and white faces yesterday and the Colt's didn't win.  Powerless.  Fans are ultimately powerless.

2. Because I'm powerless, there's no satisfaction in victory. There will be a bunch of Saints fans crowing about how 'they' won the Superbowl.  Their team scored more points. They didn't do anything (except maybe paint their faces, which is the same as doing nothing).

3. I don't know any of the members of the team.  If I frequently had coffee with the defensive line or if the wide receivers had me over for a cook-out I'd feel differently.  I'd probably become a Colt's fan (depending on how good the food was at the cook-out). But since I don't know these guys, I'm not invested in their activities. I don't pay attention to the Cricket championship in England for the same reason.

4. It bothers me that Doritos feels the need to paste their name all over everything during the broadcast.  It's a safe bet that there were already several bags of Doritos in the same room with the television during the game. The word is out on Doritos.  Nobody watching one of the numerous commercials turned to someone near them and said, "Wait a minute!  What are these Doritos they're speaking about?"

5. They have high speed computers paint imaginary lines on the field to show the line of scrimmage. There are satellites in orbit taking pictures of the exact location of every player on the field.  And they still measure first down with two sticks and a chain. The commercials cost three and a half million dollars for 30 seconds; can't they spend a little money on a better measuring device?

6. The whole thing is going to start over again next fall. This isn't permanent, New Orleans!  Next year, you'll have to go right back and compete with everybody else.  There's no advantage for Super Bowl champs.  You don't get to have 15 guys on the field or carry weapons. It's an endless cycle because if it didn't go on and on...people would probably stop buying Doritos.

Posted via web from Naynarb - Random Comedy Thoughts

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