Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Get Yer' Stupid Tickets

Håll tummarna!
If most of the population in this country was smart,
some things would disappear immediately.
The lottery, for example, would vanish overnight.
...because smart people understand statistics.
Smart people know about compound interest...
and the value of ten dollars invested in an IRA...
...versus ten dollars invested in a scratch-off ticket.
In a country dominated by smart people,
winning the lottery wouldn't be a big deal anyway.
...Because so few people would buy tickets.
...A 'huge' Powerball pay-off would be twenty bucks.
"What's the world coming to..."
"...there must be a hundred people buying lottery tickets!"
Smart people realize that, although they do show folks on TV,
who have actually won a lot of money playing the Lottery,
That only makes those folks 'lucky' and...
...that's not the same as being 'smart'.
The Lottery causes many people to be confused about money...
because they think money appears randomly, by sheer chance.
Smart people understand that the Lottery is a crappy way to become wealthy.
"...Sorry, Smith, no paycheck this week..."
"'re a hard worker, just unlucky..."
 "... Don't give up! We'll draw again next Friday!"
"...Now get back to work!"
Of course, I've ignored all the good things about the Lottery.
"But John, you dummy, Lottery money helps pay for education!"
True. Lottery money funds schools...
where they students are so well equipped with critical thinking skills...
...that graduates go buy lottery tickets.
...Smart people realize that most schools will take checks.
"John, you twit, Lottery pays for roads, bridges and stuff!"
...For better road upkeep, just pay more taxes.
...Giving money to the government is about the same as buying lottery tickets.
"But John, you idiot, recently a guy found a million dollar ticket in a drawer!"
Smart people understand that buying dozens of lottery tickets...
and stuffing them into a kitchen drawer...
...won't increase the odds of winning. drawers (or any drawers) have zero statistical impact on results.
"But John, you moron, you can't win if you don't play!"
And if you're still making statements like that...
...I'm not going to talk about statistics with you anymore.


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Jamie Coley said...

Well said. In SC they outlawed gambling machines ON my dads bday. He was known all over the area as a Preacher who would not tolerate gambling and was made fun of for it. A few years later, BAM! Gambling is outlawed via machine.

Rebecca Welch said...

*grin* We call the TN lottery the "stupid tax", and I very happily take their student aid money while I work my tail off on an advanced degree in Biochemistry.