Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Paper Hangers and Butt Kickers

Amish country near Arthur, Illinois

Whenever you ask my uncle how he's doing he'll say,
"I'm busier than a one armed paper hanger."
Sometimes he's even busier.
"Busier than a one legged man at a butt kicking contest."
Are there enough Butt Kicking Contests to keep a person busy?
Maybe.
As busy as a one armed paper hanger?
"A" one armed paper hanger...
Not "THE" one armed paper hanger...
...so evidently there's more than one.
Probably a whole industry
...a niche market.
I bet there's a school for these artisans.
"Are you a self starter?
Do you like to work with your hand?
Would you like for people to reference your disability
...to boast about their own productivity?
Learn to hang wallpaper in just three weeks!"
According to my uncle, one armed paper hangers are busy.
...lots of demand for their work.
Like the Amish furniture makers of the paper hanging industry.
You know who's really busy?
...One armed, Amish, paper hangers.
Put the two armed paper hangers to shame.
The only guys busier are the No Armed Paper Hangers.
No armed guys scoff at the one armed guys...
..."I could do that with one hand behind my back."
Parents of two armed children need to shoot straight with them.
"Look, you're a good paper hanger,
...but with those two arms, you'll never stay busy.
...you're lucky though because you're missing a leg
...you should look into competitive butt kicking."
Enhanced by Zemanta

1 comment:

DrummerGuy said...

Read this to my family, had all of us nearly in tears. Absolutely hilarious!