Monday, July 02, 2012

Another Battle at Gettysburg

The battle of Gettysburg, Pa. July 3d. 1863, d...
The battle of Gettysburg, Pa. July 3d. 1863, depicting the Battle of Gettysburg, fought July 1—3, 1863. The battle was part of the American Civil War and was won by the North. Hand-colored lithograph by Currier and Ives. Español: Batalla de Gettysburg Magyar: A gettysburgi csata (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Took a bus tour of the Gettysburg battlefield.
Tour guide starts asking questions, 
"When was the battle of Gettysburg fought?"
I'm staring at a brochure, not making eye contact.
Just like in school.  
"If she doesn't think I'm paying attention, she won't call on me."
Did that ever work?
Teacher never went, 
"Oh, he's preoccupied.  I'll leave him alone."
I used to drop my pencil and then go under the desk to get it.
"When was Gettysburg fought?"
(Drop...go down under desk.  Search for pencil.)
Then I'd wait until someone else answered.
(Come up from under desk)
"What were the names of the opposing Armies?"
(Drop...go down under desk.)
"Name all the commanding officers of the Union forces."
I'd take out a box of colored pencils...dump them on the floor.
So I'm riding on the bus. Tour guide asks, 
"When was Gettysburg fought?"
And I don't have any pencils or crayons.
I've got a Gettysburg brochure.  
I'm looking at it to avoid eye contact with her.
thinking..."please don't call on me.  please don't call on me."
I'm absently scanning the brochure..."don't call on me..."
"Gettysburg July 1-3, 1863...don't call on me..."
Then somebody had the answer.  
Sigh of relief. 
I can enjoy history again.
Tour continues.  It's interesting.  Really!
Then they stop the bus halfway through, on a hill overlooking the field.
She says, 
"I've bored you long enough.  You ask me your questions."
Remember that from school?
"You ask questions."
I remember in Driver's Ed class we had a State Policeman come to speak.
The teacher made us think up a question to ask the Policeman.
We wrote our questions on paper and handed them to the officer.
He looked through them and read the good ones...
...or the really stupid ones.
In a high school driver's ed class, I asked an Indiana State Policeman
Here was my question, read aloud to the entire class.
"How many miles per hour over the speed limit can I drive without getting a ticket?"
The entire class laughed, hard.  The teacher shook his head.
The policeman actually touched the pepper spray on his belt...
...I pushed my pencil off the desk.
So she wants us to ask questions on the bus.
Other people are asking, "How far does a cannon shoot?"
AHHHGH!  That's a great question.  How can I top that?
"How long does it take to reload a rifle?"
CRAP!! The other people are taking all the good questions!
"How much does the pack weigh?"
Then I think of a question.  I want to ask it before somebody steals it.
I shoot my hand up.
"When was the battle of Gettysburg fought?"
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