Monday, July 30, 2012

Wild Feeds and Salads


Skeleton of wild boar
Going to a conference called the "Men's Wild Game Feed"
I'm guessing the word "feed" doesn't mean they're going into the woods with handfuls of corn.
"Blow the deer call again!  Poor thing!  I can see his ribs!"
The dynamic at a men's conference is completely different from a women's conference.
Women eat salad.
Men won't leave the house for salad.
Actually, men will leave the house if they think salad is going to be served.
Women will come to a conference for fellowship, worship and teaching.
If you want men at a conference, something has to die.
And evidently men prefer "wild" game.
"This is beef!  Where was it raised?  A farm in Iowa? Take it away!"
Men insist it be wild.
They want video footage of the animal's capture.
They want to see the boar charging into the side of a jeep...
Trampling legions of armed hunters...
Sinking canoes...
Investing money in risky stocks...
Mixing cold medicine with energy drinks...
"That was one wild pig!  Pass me another chop!"
Women's conferences don't feature wild salads.
Women are happy to have dinner be docile.
Avocado fruit saladI know several women who oppose hunting.
"It's not fair!  The deer don't have guns!"
So give them some guns if that makes your feel better.
Stand back to back with a deer.  Count off twenty paces...
Guns aren't made to work well with hooves.
If you want to see people compete with animals directly...
go to a bull fight.
Even then, it's not completely fair.
Imagine a boxing match where the champ has guys on horses stick spears in him...
then they send out the challenger....
with a sword.
Bull fighting is still plenty dangerous.
Humans could easily win that contest if we applied all our technology.
Stand in the corner waving a cape.
Bull charges.  Runs over a land mine.
Game over.
You get the ears and the tail...if you can find them.
Send the rest of the pieces to the men's conference.


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1 comment:

Amelia Mercedes said...

Hahaha!!! This just made my day! Especially the bull fighting part!