Thursday, August 08, 2013

The Dead Disciples

Zombie March Chicago 2008 - Image 104
Although they're not perfect examples,
I like zombie movies anyway.
To me, they're not horror fiction.
They're documentaries.
Zombie movies reflect the true state of western culture.
The difference between the zombies on screen and the zombies in the theater seats is...
...the seat zombies eat popcorn instead of brains
...for now.
Should I list the similarities?
Zombies never read the Bible...
Without actually reading scripture, a zombie reasons the following:
1. Jesus spoke of nothing but love and tolerance.
2. God is principally concerned with man's happiness.
3. God is willing to listen to suggestions on how to better run the Universe.
4. Scripture is silly.
...then they decide who to eat for lunch.
Zombies don't have a sense of ethics...
...but if they did, they'd reason that they are essentially "good".
Sure, they have an insatiable urge to eat people...
...but God made them that way so it's beautiful.
Jesus never said anything against feasting on the flesh of living human beings.
Zombies don't judge people.
Black, white, male, female, gay, straight...
...they'll devour anyone without discriminating.
But I'm not being realistic.
I've given the undead way too much credit.
They can't think at all.
Zombies in the movies just wander mindlessly until they find someone to eat.
Real life zombies have more to do.
In real life, zombies hold public office,
...teach at universities
...attend church services
...join labor unions
...write columns for the Daily Kos
...watch MSNBC
...and vote for whoever promises to give them things
So I can't rely on them to accurately depict our culture.
But zombie movies are much closer than anything Michael Moore has ever produced.
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1 comment:

Paige Smith said...

We do indeed have a zombie culture in the making. I am in my early 40s and this has been observable to me, at an accelerating rate, during my lifetime.
I found your comedy recently, and I so appreciate your obvious intellect behind it.